The Last "First Day"

What I Wore - Dress: J. Crew Factory, Shoes: Dolce Vita, Earrings: Madewell, Lipstick: Bite Beauty "Brandy", Backpack: Duluth Pack

Today was my first day of school. My first day of my senior year of college. My very last first day of school. I've always been someone who spends the whole of August counting down the days until school starts again. By that point I've usually grown bored of not having a schedule (although that was not an issue this summer), am itching to see my friends everyday, and have a stack of new clothes in my closet that I've been saving all summer to wear. But mainly, I get excited for the first day of school because I have always seen it as an opportunity to introduce the new and best version of Eva; to blow my peers and teachers away with how I've changed (or magically somehow became cooler over the summer, although this stopped happening after I shaved my eyebrows off right before seventh grade). Mainly, I like reinventing myself because the image I have of who I want to be is ever changing and my first day of school outfit has always been indicative of what that desired image of myself is.

Last year I really wanted to embrace all of the new found independence and confidence my semester abroad had given me. I really felt I knew what I wanted and was not going to let myself get in the way of making it all happen. I had a lot of expectations for junior year. My leather mini skirt, pointy toed flats, and embellished oxford shirt on the first day of school made that known. This year, my last year, feels different. I want my senior year to be exactly whatever it's going to end up being. I want to work really hard, spend time with the people I love, do things that challenge and excite me, and stay true to who I have become over the past four years. So I kept my outfit simple and wore what felt natural to me. A shirt dress, nude flats, simple jewelry, and a bold lipstick. I still felt like the best, most authentic, version of myself without feeling like I had to make a statement about it.

Take Care

I start my senior year of college in less than a week, which is equal parts terrifying and thrilling, but with the approach of my last first day of school has come a resurfacing of old fears, insecurities, and doubts. Since being in college and gaining more and more independence and responsibility I've learned that at this stage in my life my biggest responsibility is to take care of myself, which sounds so much more simple than it's been. The practical activities such as remembering to get the oil changed in my car and feeding myself meals more substantial than peanut butter toast have come fairly easy for me, but regularly checking in with my emotional wellbeing and taking time for "self-care" is a bit less intuitive. Over time and with the influence and support of my close friends I have found that really good, productive, and effective self-care is not just one thing for me. I can't just spend the day painting my nails and watching Say Anything, I've also got to cry about it, call my mom on the phone, and then share a pizza with my roommates. It's a lot! Sometimes it takes a whole weekend and sometimes I really really don't want to do it. But I'm always brighter and lighter after it all.

So, since it seems to be the season of sharing "back-to-school" tips I thought I would share what I think is the key to success - taking really good care of yourself. This is what works for me, maybe it won't work for you, but I hope that it might at least get you thinking about what might.

It would seem that my preferred method of getting my feelings out into the open is generally in the form of crying/yelling/word vomit, usually late at night when I'm too exhausted to hold it in anymore, to anyone who'll lend an ear to listen. I always find this to be the most painful part of my self-care. It means I have to admit to myself that something is wrong and that maybe I don't know how to fix it right now and that it's affecting me way more than I wish it would. But once it's out, it's out, and I'm not letting it back in. 

Unloading everything that's been swirling around inside my head and heart generally really really exhausts and often discourages me, causing a bad/mad/sad day. To be honest, I don't deal with bad days well. I thrive on being someone who is fun to be around and can lift other people up when they're feeling low, which is hard to do when I'm feeling low myself. But I'm really working on accepting my bad days for what they are when they happen and trying to understand that they can serve a purpose if I let them. So when a bad day does happen I let myself take the time I need to be grumpy and mope around eating every cookie in sight, forcing a cheery disposition onto myself won't help me or anyone around me. It's okay to let yourself steep in those feelings for a day. This article from  Darling Magazine is one of my favorite pieces of writing about dealing with bad days. 

I am firm believer that good self-care cannot happen in total isolation. In order to take a step back and really see the situation for what it is I need people who have some degree of separation from whatever issue I'm dealing with and can talk me down from my emotionally exhausted, and often irrational, state. My parents are the people in my life who are always able to bring me back down to reality and put things into perspective. They remind me that I've made it through every bad day that I've ever had and will continue to, that everything seems a bit easier after a good night's sleep, and that I am the one in charge of my own emotions.  

Recharging seems to be what most people think of when they think of self-care, but I find it to be most beneficial once I've gone in and done the work to pull out all of the confusion and frustration inside of me. Depending on your personality and your situation, recharging can be a lot of different things. For me, as a strong introvert, it generally means some good alone time. Taking time to cook myself a good meal, taking a long shower, putting on my favorite pajamas, watching a film, or cleaning my room are where my instinct takes me. It is also sometimes retail therapy but I don't know if I should be encouraging that. Simple acts that help your mind and body get back to equilibrium and make you feel a bit stronger than before - more prepared to tackle the days ahead.  

Something Different

What I Wore: Top - Urban Outfitters, Skirt - Loft, Shoes - Seychelles

It's a been a little while since I've posted about an outfit, but I wore a crop top today (for the first time in my life) and bought this new skirt so I thought it would be appropriate to share. Aside from the usual "I haven't been wearing anything very interesting" excuse I mainly just haven't been feeling too good about myself lately and really have not wanted to have my photo taken. Today was different. Today I felt good and wanted to share this outfit and a few thoughts I've been having.

I recently had a bad day. A day when I felt really really horrible about myself to the point where I was allowing it to ruin my entire day. After trying to spend the morning out with friends I ended up essentially locking myself up in my house to be by myself and get the negative thoughts out of my system. That day I was reminded of a previous day when one of my friends had been feeling a similar way. That day I had done my best to try and listen to her and tell her what she needed to hear, which I now realize is I what I needed to be hearing (and listening to) as well.

Here are the two things that I need to tell myself more often and actually listen to:

1. You are allowed to take up space. The more 'you' there is in the world the better because you are good and valuable and important.

2. Your body houses so many good things and allows you do so many good things. Focus on those things and not the way your arms looked in that photo or how it feels when your legs rub together under your dress. Nourish the good things your body allows you to do/think/feel.

I am realizing more and more that on my bad days I am not mad at my body but that I'm more mad at the way I think about my body. My body does everything I could ever want or need it to do, but I am in desperate need of a paradigm shift in my relationship with it. I am continuously learning how to inhabit, use, and honor the shape I was lucky enough to be born into.

And with that, I encourage to do something to honor yourself today (and tomorrow and the day after that).

An Afternoon at ENSO Urban Winery

Since turning 21 back in November doing a wine tasting has been at the top of my "adult things to do" list and on Friday I finally got around to doing my first one. There are a ton of really great vineyards and wineries in the area surrounding Portland, but as most of them are at least an hour drive from the city it makes going out to one a bit of a time commitment. ENSO is unique because although they source the grapes they use for their wines from California, Washington, and Oregon the wine itself is made right in the heart of SE Portland. The tasting room and winery are both housed in the same space (which is actually an old garage), making the experience that much more special. 

My two friends and I all went for the tasting flights, which at $10 are pretty hard to pass up, and spent a lovely few hours sipping our wine and munching on some bread while catching up and making plans for the rest of the weekend. The flights each featured 5 different wines with a choice between either a red flight or a white & rosé flight - I followed my heart and went with the red. Out of all five varieties the Counoise was definitely my favorite, it was like nothing I'd ever had before. 

I think, if I had it my way, I'd spend every Friday afternoon just like this. The atmosphere was calm and inviting, the wine was wonderful, and I didn't feel intimidated going in because of my lack of wine knowledge. I think visiting ENSO is a must for any and all wine loving Portlanders. 

What I Wore - Top: Old Navy, Jeans: J. Crew, Shoes: Seychelles, Bag: Madewell

Little White Striped Dress

What I Wore: Dress - H&M, Shoes - old White Mountain (similar), Necklace - Kate Spade New York, Earrings - similar, Lipstick - MAC "Brick-o-la"

There is something about a beautiful summer day and a light-weight white dress that just feels so right. Add some navy stripes, three sweet buttons up the back, and a waist line that isn't too loose or too tight and I'm in dress heaven (which is my favorite kind). I guess summer clothes aren't all that bad after all. 

Lavender Picking

What I Wore - Dress: Madewell

I'm going to let these photos speak for themselves and try not to ramble too much in this post. On Sunday morning my roommate/best friend/photographer, Julia, and I headed out to go lavender picking at this charming farm about 30 minutes outside of Portland. We tried to go as early as we could manage in the hopes of beating the heat but by the time we got out there at 10:20 it was already over 80 degrees!  But despite the the blazing sun we easily spent an hour oo-ing and ahh-ing over the unbelievable fields of lavender and filling our baskets with as much as we could manage to snip. I knew it was going to be a picturesque spot so I planned ahead and wore my new silk Madewell dress (currently on major sale!) so that we could take some photos for the blog. I truly was one of the most idilic and serene places I have ever experienced. 

If you're in the Portland area and are interested in checking out the lavender farm for yourself, click here for more information 

Hearing, Reading, Wearing, Watching: Currently

I seem to have fallen off the bandwagon with these favorites posts for a few months so this one is going to be kind of a catch all of everything I've been loving from the past few months. I've got quite a bit to get through in this post so I'll try to keep things short and sweet - some of this stuff is just too good not to share! 

James Bay "The Chaos and The Calm"

James Bay is a new-to-me artist that my roommate and I discovered back in April through listening to a random playlist on Spotify while making dinner. To put it simply, I became obsessed with his album very very very quickly. Come to think of it, I don't think I had binge listened an album this bad since Taylor Swift's 1989 came out. 

Favorite Songs: Let it go, Incomplete, When We Were On Fire

For Fans Of: Hoizer, Vance Joy, Ed Sheeran

Marina & The Diamonds "Froot"

I had been awaiting the release of this album for SO LONG. I started listening to Marina my freshman year of college right around the time "How To Be a Heartbreaker" was becoming really popular. I loved her music because it was poppy and fun and made me feel great. "Froot" has a significantly different feel than "Electra Heart" did (much less bubblegum) but I love this album all the same. The lyrics have more depth, all of the songs still have a great beat, and it's just as fun to listen to as any of her previous music.

Favorite Songs: Blue, I'm A Ruin

For Fans Of: Florence + The Machine, Ellie Goulding

Sylvan Esso "Sylvan Esso"

I find trying to describe this album really difficult because it's really different from a lot of the stuff I usually listen to. Listening to it just feels good, maybe that's why it was all I listened to during finals. Just give it a listen, if nothing else it'll make you want to dance.

Favorite Songs: Wolf, Dress, Coffee

Similar To: Purity Ring, FKA Twigs

Angus & Julia Stone "Angus & Julia Stone"

I've been a big fan of Angus & Julia Stone since the days of "Big Jet Plane" but for some reason I never really got into their newest album when it first came out about a year ago. When I got home from school this summer I was in a bit of a music lull and was looking for something new to listen to when I remembered about this album and gave it another chance. I was hooked right away. To me, this is really the perfect summer album because it just kind of floats over you like a nice warm evening breeze. It's perfect.

Favorite Songs: Grizzly Bear, Wherever You Are

For Fans Of: Radical Face, The Paper Kites

A Constellation of Vital Phenomena by Anthony Marra 

I don't even know how to begin with this book. I picked it up on a whim when browsing the "Staff Picks" at the local bookstore before heading out on my road trip west because I was in need of a new book. On the back there was some review that compared it to one of my favorite books, Everything Is Illuminated, so I took that as a good sign. The story takes place in war torn Chechnya between the early 90's and the early 00's and I'll be the first to warn you that much of the story is very grim and provides very few instances of hope or joy. But the story is gripping from the beginning, characters are complex and complicated and the ways that their lives entwine emphasizes the power of resilience, family, and loyalty. When I read the last page and closed the book I felt so full and overwhelmed with love. The language is so beautiful and the imagery is so rich that I wanted to linger over each sentence and milk them for all of their worth. In summary, this book is the best thing I have ever read, I cannot recommend it enough. There hasn't been a day since I put it down that I haven't thought about it. 

For Fans Of: Everything is Illuminated, The Elegance of the Hedgehog, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

Clinique Acne Solutions BB Cream

Find it here

Recently, I fell out of love with my trusty old Tarte Amazonian Clay Airbrush Powder Foundation. Come spring time I realized it just wasn't performing the way I needed it to anymore. It was clinging to my concealer in a weird way that made me look really cakey in some places and like I had nothing on my face in others and I just felt like I had so much powder on my face all of the time. When I watched this review of the new Clinique BB Cream I knew I would love this product, and I do. I've got really oily skin so tinted moisturizer type products don't really hold up on my face, especially in the summer. The formula of this product is so unique though - it's really watery, and you have to shake it up before you use it, so it's very lightweight but it had really great coverage and lasts really well all day long. I apply it with my fingers and it just blends seamlessly into my skin and covers so well that most days I don't even need to put any extra concealer on my blemishes. I do still set it with a very light dusting of powder, but even with that my face looks much more natural throughout the day than when I was wearing a powder foundation. I highly highly recommend this product for those with oily skin who want long lasting coverage that doesn't feel or look heavy. 

Sephora Cream Lip Stain in Mandarin Muse

Find it here

I had heard a lot of hype about these lip stain/liquid lipsticks from different beauty blogs that I regularly read and had been in the market for an orangey/red lip color for the summer so when I wandered into Sephora a few weeks ago picking this product up was a no brainer. My thoughts on this super hyped up product? It's great, it's so great! At only $13 the price point is very reasonable, the color is super vibrant, it lasts incredibly long (although it do have to touch it up after I eat), and for being a matte liquid lipstick it's quite comfortable on the lips. I'm so glad I picked this up because I've been wearing it non-stop all summer, and plan on continuing to. Next, I think I'll have to pick up the classic red shade and maybe something a bit more pink.

NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer

Find it here

I finally ran out of my Make-Up Forever Waterproof Full Coverage Concealer (seriously, one tube lasted me a year) and had heard a lot of good things about this NARS concealer so I thought I'd give it a try when it came time to take a trip to Sephora. I really like this product. It is very very creamy but also lasts really well throughout the day. I mainly use it on blemishes but have tried it under my eyes and it works just as well. They also have a very wide range of color to choose from (I was the fairest, obviously) which I think is a huge plus. Definitely, definitely recommend - I feel like this is something that would work for everyone. 

Mad Men

After years and years of hearing people talk about how great Mad Men is and how much I would like it I finally started watching the show when I came home after school ended. And I love it, just like everyone said I would. I won't talk too much about the show because I don't want to spoil anything (and because I'm only on season 5) but I am totally hooked. I love/hate the characters (Peggy and Joan are my favorites, Pete is my absolute least favorite), the costumes are amazing, and I just really enjoy the story in each episode. I know I'm going to be very sad when I finally finish the whole series! 

Yoga with Adriene

Since I've started working my office-oriented internship I spend the majority of my days behind a desk hunched over my computer so by the time I leave work in the afternoon I feel stiff and in the need of some movement. In an effort to both get some exercise in every day and get back into taking time for myself every day I've been really enjoying Yoga with Adriene's 30 Day's of Yoga on Youtube. Each video is different and I've enjoyed doing every single one so far. I really love yoga and I was really into it my first two years of college but fell out of my routine the in the last year. Doing these videos regularly has just reminded me of how good doing yoga is for my stress levels (I'm am a very unnecessarily stressed out person a lot of the time). Taking the 15-30 minutes out of my day to breathe and stretch and work my muscles and focus on something other than what is making me upset or stressed is such a nice outlet to have available.

Watch the videos here

And we made it! Thanks for sticking around the reading the whole post - an outfit post will be coming up next.